Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Self Titled

DISCLAIMER: I have to admit.. that before writting this entry, I had to delete atleast the last 20 entries. - Literally up until the point I got tired of deleting entries.

A. because I wrote them ohhh about 3 years ago, at a VERY different time in my life
B. because I felt extremely lame and mopey and dull and TEENAGE in the last entries, it just didnt feel like me.

Now.. back to the show

"The important thing is this: To be able to, at any moment sacrifice that which we are for what we could become" Charles Dubois

I've been thinking alot about my life lately, with my grandma about to pass i guess its natural. This woman has seen the world, seen so many unbelievable things that most people could only dream to see. She lived a wealthy life where she always got whatever she desired and people always respected her. She lives with a wonderful husband in a house that overlooks the ocean. She watches the sun rise and set everyday. and now.. I look at this poor dying woman, dying of possibly one of the worst deaths - brain cancer but yet.. I can't bring myself to feel bad for her. Is that weird? Is that wrong? I wish everyday that I could have lived her life and be dying at the ripe age of 80 something.

Now I look at my life.. and my future.. and I almost wonder what the fuck im doing. I feel stuck - as per usual - like a stick stuck in the mud. Stuck in the system, just another insignificant spec taking up space on the planet. I want to be more. I want to be great. I want to travel and see the world. I want to do something different and new everyday. I want to be my dream and achieve like she achieved. Am I just too scared?

I emailed he who shall not be named  the other day.. yeah yeah yeah.. the one from allllll the entries I just deleted. (we'll just call him john doe from now on) Yes, this was partly my stick-it-to-the-man mini-revolt but the guy almost goes and kills himself last month. Right in the middle of my mid-twenties life crisis he tries to get himself killed. Trust me you dont want to hear the nitty gritty details.

Anyways, I guess why this is so significant is for alot of reasons. John had this great ability to be spontaneous - which a testamonial to his life shows mostly backfired. But still because of my grandma's situation, this is a charactoristic that I wish I would partake more in. And secondly, after thinking he may have died I realized that I would really regret not ever seeing him again. I do want to see him again, for reasons I don't yet understand, but thats where im stuck for now.

Frusterating? More than you know.


Anyways lovely, till next time. Thats all I have to ponder right now. - Hopefully it wont be 3 years til I ponder next. ;)


Posted at 12:09 am by Teresawashere
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Wednesday, August 16, 2006
awwwww last night.

last night i got hellllllllla drunk at nikol's moms boyfriends' house. it was amazing. after everyone left (only me debbie, nikol, and chris stayed the night). debbie and nikol went to sleep in the loft. &&& me and chris were starting to sober up (although i just drank a glass of vodka &&& coke that probably hadn't hit me yet) anyways... we were both kinda tired. but i was like "well lets just go out to the hammick for a little bit and have a smoke." (they had a nice hammick on the dock over the lake) so we sat down and started talking. just talking away about all this random stuff. when all of a sudden chris gets up and he's like "i have an idea" haha and then he starts stripping. and im like oh god... hahha so i start stripping. and we end up jumping into this lake butt naked at 3 in the morning. lol after that we ran out of the lake.. grabbed our clothes and went into the hot tub. haha and we sat naked in the hot tub. oh god.. im such a drunk ass. anyways.. i deffinitly almost broke my 1 month rule. but i didnt.. but i did other things lol. if you catch my drift. ok.. lets just say that the first time you do something with chris.. its just like 1...2....3...a;ldfigo;ahg;lah;glhag done. but the 2nd time aka the hot tub.. its like 1...2....3... 4.... 500.... 43985620389475.... 10 years later aoefdigha ;oifhg;oihefg done. &&& im kinda excited. cuz uhhh yeah. he's like yeah. "i dont last very long the first time. so when we actually do have sex one day... we are gonna have to do it atleast 2 or 3 times."


me = ;aodih;jah;gha;hga; NO PROBLEM. haha


anyways. i feel kinda naughty for writing this.. cuz i know that atleast a couple people are gonna read this. but this blog is mostly for me. &&& if i want to express my horny ass drunk ass self. DEAL WITH IT. anyways.. i love you bloggggg. ttyl.


Love Always,

~The Sexiest Beast You'll Ever Know~


Posted at 04:12 pm by Teresawashere
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Tuesday, August 15, 2006
tonight.. was amazing.

i seriously.. could fall in love with this boy.


tonight we went out to this beautiful place.. where it like overlooks the whole city. seriously it was like a scene from a movie. we layed on the front of my car. but kept it on so we could have music playing. &&& we just sat there looking at the stars. awww he is fucking amazing.. i cant stand it. &&& im beginning to REALLY hate my 1 month rule. ohhhhhhhhh geez.


oh btw. chris's recruiters came by today to tell him that jessica (bitch skank whore EX-girlfriend) is filing a lawsuit against him. &&& chris could get sued. the reason she called up his recruiter is that if he does have a lawsuit against him.. he can't join the navy. oh.. she also brought up the fact that he is dating me. &&& im not legal.

:) what a wonderful girl. ;aoihgt;osajgh;iuayh;ogiha;klgjha @!!!

if i ever fucking see her.. im gonna sock her in her face. :)

dumb bitch.


ok.. i may not be on good terms with taylor.. but i would NEVER try to screw up his life like that. he may not get into the navy because of this stupid cracked out meth addict whore. a;oigh;aoigha;o

god. &&& i seriously cant believe she is now trying to use me against him. his recruiter "strongly advises" that we don't date.


anyways... chris is an amazing guy. &&& he is romantic &&& i love it. &&& i could really fall in love with him... gah. i had an amazing night. i wish i could keep this feeling forever.


ohhhhhhhhhhh &&&& by the way. >;)

i kicked his ass in james bond.

hah. no one can beat me. bring it bitch.


PS. i almost forgot. KAYLA ISNT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH. my little baby is all grown up.

Posted at 04:47 am by Teresawashere
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Wednesday, August 09, 2006
awwwwww he is amazing

so he comes to visit me at work right..
and he's like "i have a surprise for you"
and ofcourse im like oh shit. what is it.
i get off work &&& go to his house.. and he goes inside and comes out with a pink rose. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww he is hella cute. and then he's like oh wait... i got another surprise too haha. he walks out to his car and whips out a whole bottle of 151. hahaha the perfect guy.

seriously.. i could fall in love with this guy. not that i am in love.. cuz i know im not. i just REALLY REALLY REALLY like him. :) he treats me so well. and he's adorable. and plays the fucking guitar. and his friends are all hella tight. and he's not like pushy or anything.

i made up this rule btw. NO SEX FOR ATLEAST A MONTH. i think its gonna be my rule from now on. i told him about my little rule. and he is perfectly fine with it. lol but that doesnt stop us from doing everything else... eeeeeeeeeeeee. i cant contain myself. haha really. i really cannot.

oh oh! and you know that song "wonderwall".. he deffinitly played that on the guitar for me. it makes me freakin melt. awwwwwwww he's so cute.

he keeps saying "god.. how did i find you" awwwwwwwwwww.

;leirgt;aoihg;lskagj;lkajdfgashfdgl;kafg; ok.. i cant write anymore. im getting too sappy. ok but wait.. last night we decided to sleep in my car lol i dont know why.. i was stoned. whatever. lol but we were listening to music and he's just like "i feel like listening to sappy love songs" awwwwwwww... so we cuddled and it was amazing... and i have so many stories to tell you. but nooooooooooo time.


PS. im deffinitly going to see david beckham play tommorow. omg. aoidhf;oauhdf;oiaudfoi ua'pdiofu'a iuf

im bringing my fucking benochulars. (sp?)

david beckham = perhaps the sexiest man ALIVE.





i could seriously fall in love with you. <3

Posted at 03:26 am by Teresawashere
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Friday, July 28, 2006

so i get hella drunk last night right..
haha &&& chris gets hella drunk.
and we end up making out and shit in this guys bathroom.
and randomly he's just like "hey.. im gonna ask you out tommorow."
and im like "haha ok thanks for warning me"
"well your welcome but i dont know what your gonna say"
"haha what do you think im gonna say"
me = histerically laughing at this point
"thats it. when you ask me out tommorow.. thats exactly what im gonna say."
"no you wont. you wont even remember."
"i bet you 10 bucks that that's exactly what im gonna say tommorow"


NEXT DAY (aka today)
*sitting in chris's room on his bed*
"so.. will you go out with me?"
hahha... oh man. we are cool. he owes me 10 bux.

Posted at 03:18 am by Teresawashere
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Thursday, July 27, 2006
i love kayla... this made me giggle.



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Teresa
Date: Jul 27, 2006 3:25 PM

boy do i have a story for YOU.
but i broke my fucking phone.
so you cant call me.
&&& i cant call you.
so you should come visit me at work 7-9:30
&&& i will tell you my amazing story.
hah. hmmmmmmmmmmmm. :)


----------------- Original Message -----------------
kayla ((perfectly_crazy))
Date: Jul 27, 2006 4:16 PM

ahhh i'll try and come but i dunno!!

tell me bitch!


----------------- Original Message -----------------
Date: Jul 27, 2006 4:59 PM

this story would probably be better in person..
but i havent been able to tell anyone yet.
&&& im about to explode so.. im gonna type the whole damn thing to you.
haha ok well...
we left brians house at 1:00
cuz brian had to leave.
and i was HELLA drunk.
(i drank all 6 smirnoffs plus naiomi gave me some of her puerto rican rum plus i drank some of adriens beer and chris's beer)
so chris drove my car
(which was probably a bad idea cuz he was kinda drunk)
but.. we ended up meeting up with all his friends.
&&& this guy james started driving my car for me.
anyways... we went to naiomis house.
well.. the place she was house sitting :)
HELLA nice house btw.
we got there.. and i told everyone to stop letting me drink.
did they stop me?? NO.
lol i had 2 HUGE ASS SHOTS, HELLA BIG SHOT GLASSES of that puerto rican rum
&&& holy fuck. i was sooooooo drunk.
i was kinda sitting on chris's lap.
and we were like holding hands n stuff.
and he whispered in my ear
"you've probably heard this from your friends and stuff.. but im really in to you"
and then he like gave me a peck on the neck.
i thought that was hella cute..
and knowing my drunk self...
i fuckin turn around and start MAKING OUT with him.
and we just sat there for hella long.
making out.
&&& i guess some guy got a video on his phone of us.
&&& there is pictures.. and holy shit i was SHITFACED
eventually they pried us apart and took us both into seperate bathrooms.
he passed out in one.
i was fucking puking in the other.
and then i had to go home.. cuz i wanted to be home before my mom woke up in the morning.
so james had to drive me with my car home.
&&& then he had to walk home.
i wake up this morning and im still fucking drunk.
and i have the worst hang over ever.
i lost one of my earings
and my phone like frooze.
i dont even fucking know what happened
but its like frozen.
i might have to get a new phone.. shit.
i had a blast..
and i really like him. shit.
that was my story.
the end.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
kayla ((perfectly_crazy))
Date: Jul 27, 2006 5:16 PM

ohh teresa i love you....

he loves you.
he wants to fuck you.
you love him.
you want to fuck him.

hahahahhaha oh man.

Posted at 03:12 am by Teresawashere
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006
fuck my life

i finally meet a cool guy.

&&& he's leaving for bootcamp in precisely 1 week.

k tight.


fuck my life.

Posted at 10:09 am by Teresawashere
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Monday, July 24, 2006


kinda happy.

i dunno... i had a fun day.

Big Smile



thank fucking god.




PS. not getting drunk for hella long. i had such a bad hangover today.


Posted at 12:00 am by Teresawashere
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Monday, July 17, 2006
good lines..

You're bored. You're bored and you know it.
You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing.

You arrogant son of a bitch!
Would you just stay with me?
Stay with you? What for?
Look at us, we're already fighting.

Well, that's what we do. We fight.
You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch
and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass.
Which you are 99% of the time.
I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings.
They have like a two second rebound rate 
and you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

So, what?


So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard.
And we're gonna have to work at this every day,
but I want to do that, because I want you.
I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.

Will you do something for me? Please?
Will you just picture your life for me?
years from now, years from now, what's it look like?
If it's with that guy, go! Go!
I lost you once, I think I could do it again,  
if I thought it's what you really wanted.
But don't you take the easy way out.
What easy way? There is no easy way,
no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.

Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants.
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants,
what your parents want.
What do you want?

What do you want?!

It's not that simple.

What do you want?

It's not...

Goddamn it, what do you want?
I have to go.

Posted at 01:55 am by Teresawashere
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i want someone who is willing to fight for me.
fight for me everyday.
even if that means fighting with me.
i want someone who is willing to deal with the bickering.
its gonna be hard. i know it will.
its not gonna be easy. its going to be a challenge everyday..
but i want someone who is willing to try.. to put in the effort

its never going to be perfect. i know that.
all i want is someone willing to put up with me.


PS. the notebook is a revolutionary film.

Posted at 12:24 am by Teresawashere
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